My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
