oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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