big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
