So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
