Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
