We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
