I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
