Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
