Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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