You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
