i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
