Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
