id be glad to
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
