I can text with my tongue
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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