there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
