i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
