Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just google imaged poop.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
