So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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