she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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