DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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