You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
