Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
