i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
