the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
