No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
