my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
