And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
