Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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