Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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