i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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