and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize