He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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