i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
