That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
