you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
