so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
