I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
