No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
