Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
