I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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