Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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