Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was CRYING into my vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize