He is such a slut. More and more my type.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
