i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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