just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The adults are the big ones right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
