the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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