if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
