I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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