How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
