Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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