So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
