Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
