i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
