I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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