I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
