I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize