Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
