i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i now understand why vodka
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
