If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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