actually, I'm a sock model
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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