It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
