Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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