in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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