I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
