My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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