Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
