I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We got so high we made milksteak
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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