Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
