I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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