My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
