So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
