I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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