First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
