She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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