Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found your dick twin last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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