she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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