I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
