So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
