If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
