I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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