i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
