My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
