Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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