About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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