Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
