how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize