The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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