would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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