The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
