If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We got so high we made milksteak
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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