I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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