when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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