Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
