is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
