Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's get the cat blown out
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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