just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
