Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
