I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
