I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
