there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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