we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
